de·bil·i·tate.

To impair the strength of body

To make weak or feeble

You never know how good things are
Until they become drastically worse
Until your world turns upside-down




Things weren't perfect before
Not close to perfect
But you fight anyway
Fight with every fiber of your being
To return to that "normal" state
That place you have grown so accustom to
The state that you now realize
Was closer to perfect
Than you once thought
Than whatever it is you are feeling now




It is times of complete devastation
That I call on a higher power
That I pray and ask God to intervene
Everything becomes so painfully apparent
Things become too real
I am weak and cannot do it alone




He is an actual being
He hears us, loves us
But sometimes...
I can't help but wonder if
the prayers I offer up
get tangled and lost
within other prayers that have
been sent heavenward
If my words evaporate before they
reach His ear
Sometimes I wish my prayers could be
Heard as if I were screaming them through a megaphone
Sometimes life is confusing
When there seems to be one simple, clear solution to a problem
But for some reason I can't have it--
The solution that I have
fought for / worked for / Prayed for




I feel I am suffocating
Misery is slowly enveloping my body
She has made a home here
I am drowning in her waters
She breathes my breath
Each day, she sucks a little more life from me
And while she is playing house in my body
I lay awake--wide eyed
Trying to figure out where
I can find that megaphone
Scared that my "normal" state is being rewritten
and that I won't become the
Person I am supposed to be
Worried that my life will forever be
something ugly
something painful

something debilitating